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I just walked away feeling emotional and holding back many more tears. As I sat there at Kent State Tuscarawas, I was moved by your stories and acts. One after another got closer and closer to my Era of service. The story about the Marine sitting on his fathers lap was very sad then his death in the morning. WOW!
I too came home expecting praise and gratitude by other's. I too had a fiance and had a ruff time adjusting to life out of military. After marriage thing's quickly turned for the worse. Medical Discharged from Injury gotten in Iraq that left me confused why I couldn't stay in. Lower back injury from a fall and no longer allowed to ruck with my fellow battle buddies. Soon the distancing and the stay up all night, sleep all day kicked in. No mission to complete, no schedule to keep. Laziness and fatigue was a daily obstacle. Self-worth went away. The feeling of love and happiness disappeared. The moment she walked out that door was my life ending as I knew it. I ran for the pills and for my gun. I was going to go out one way or another. I thought about death everyday for over several years. The thought of dieing for my country was how I wanted to go. I survived the war and now like wtf. She was still in her car on the phone with her parent's when I looked out of the window. I knew I scared her then that day. The pills were binding up in my mouth when I tried to swallow. I chocked and spit them out as she walked inside the house. Then there the total embarrassment of my core was woken up. I emotionally broke and that made me seek help. That wasn't the end of my problems. I lost her trust and soon her love for me. With a child on the way and divorce filled. I was close to my breaking point once again. This time the loss of my potential family was too much to bare. I told me non military friends how I felt and they had no clue how to respond. They didn't understand what I seeked daily. The rush the need to be part of something greater than myself. I told them I'm going to do it. Time after time they brushed me off as what ever attention seeking idiot. Then one night on my lowest stages of depression. One of my childhood friends knocks on my door. I get up and open the door. He hands me a shotgun after he chambers a round in it. Here he said, fucking do it. He kept repeating it to me over and over. I put it under my chin and click!! Jackass had it on safe... He took it back and unloaded it. I then realized it wasn't worth it. He said to me dude you have a child on the way. With or without your wife in your life. You have a boy who's going to need you.
After that day I never spoke of suicide nor thought of doing it. All a soldier needs in life after war is a purpose to live for those who didn't make it back home. They need love and support endlessly throughout their lives. Only war veterans understand or family who suffered along with a Veteran. My 2nd and best wife and I have a son together. He is 6years old my oldest is 13 and I haven't seen him in 3 years. Bad divorce and 10 years of court ended when I put my new family and my mental health first. I had to sign him off to his mom. I know wait for the day I seen him again and talk with him as an adult. Maybe he'll understand why it didn't work out. My family feels I'm not ingaged as much as I should be. Feelings of love still evades my heart. Ptsd has so many ways to mess with you that you walk around like your not even alive. No one sees you, no one cares the pain and suffering you feel daily. Even the VA therapy dr.s have no clue. What we need is people like you opening there eye's on our pain and that of our families suffering with us. I had tears pouring uncontrollably during the marines break-up to his death. You hit so many emotions that I wasn't sure it it would stop b4 anyone else saw. Some of the beginning was confusing but then realized what type of act we were here to see. A lot of people didn't know either. Maybe they thought it was a Veteran speech like other university speakers. I Google your show and watched 5min of it b4 I got tickets. A few left b4 the end of the first act. Some brought children and was caught off guard by some thing's. Like your story about stabbing the soldier in the chest. Even an elderly man got up and said that was enough for him.
I appreciate your time and hard work it must of taken to put something like this together. I wanted to leave you a video after the show but was worried I would start crying again. Maybe if they had a private booth and not a open area so everyone can see you cry. LoL I told the camera man to tell you Great Job and it was dead on point on many levels...
I hope your acts keep going and get a lot more attention.
Thank you again for what you are doing!
