Part 2 of my Interview with Sgt. First Class Brian Eisch
Father, Soldier, Son - Netflix Documentary
Brian’s three critical pieces of advice that can help our veterans transition back home.
1. FIND AN IDENTITY 2.FIND PURPOSE 3. DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE
Douglas:
They don't know what to do. You know what I'm saying?
Brian:
Yeah. Now I remember. I think I'm to the point now when somebody comes up to me to thank me for my service, it's for two reasons. One it's because there's guilt that they didn't do it in some capacity, and those are the people that come up and say, "Well, thanks for your service. I was going to join but..." That category of people. And then there are other ones that come up and thank you and they're very sincere, very thankful, and they feel like they need to do something.
I get a retirement paycheck. I don't make great money, but I make good money where I live a pretty normal life. But do you know that if I wear anything that says military and they see my leg, do you know how many breakfasts I get paid for in a week?
Douglas:
But you've earned that though. You've earned that.
Brian:
I think that's that one category of people saying, thank you. They feel like they need to do something, and it's a pay it forward mentality. So I do that now. I created those two funds for that very reason. So now I try to do something nice every day for somebody. I remember my favorite thing to do when I was stationed at Fort Drum, is we'd always go out for hibachi. If you go to hibachi with you, your wife, and a kid, it's over $100.
Well, when you see that Private taking his wife out for their anniversary and you see that he's an E-2 because he's still in uniform because he didn't go home yet, and he's got his wife there you can't afford to be.
Douglas:
You can tell by the uniform what class they are?
Brian:
Oh yeah. What rank they are?
Douglas:
Yeah.
Brian:
Yeah. They wear their rank. So when I see him and his wife out there, I'm like either she's got a real good job or he's trying to do something nice for his wife that he can't afford. I'll pick up their tab every time. And I won't let them know I did it. I'll do it on the way out. And just that whole pay it forward mentality. I think...
Douglas:
What does someone do if you can't buy someone's breakfast? But what does the average Joe do to pay it forward?
Brian:
It's not their time.
Douglas:
What's that?
Brian:
It's not their time. When they're Privates in the military, it's really not their time to pay it forward. I remember I was a Staff Sergeant at Fort Bragg in the 82nd. I was on the 1st and 504. I was broke. I was in debt up to my butt making bad decisions after bad decisions. And I remember walking into the grocery store and I had to have like $160 in groceries and card declined. I'm like, "Oh shit". Next thing you know, the guy behind me pays for my food, all of it. And I didn't know what to say. He was like, "I don't need to pay back. All I want you to do is when you're able to do it, you do it".
Douglas:
But what does someone who's not connected to the military do for someone besides saying thank you for your service? That's always the question.
Brian:
To a service member?
Douglas:
Yeah. To show sincerity. To show appreciation. I think most people try…
Brian:
I think don't overdo it. There are people that overdo it.
I think a normal person, I think the most meaningful thing is when I walk by somebody and they nod at you with a sincere look. I get it. And I don't need a thank you. I didn't do it so I could get thanked for the rest of my life.
Douglas:
Yeah.
Brian:
I want to be normal.
Douglas:
Right.
Brian:
Treat me like an everyday normal person.
Douglas:
Does it bother you when people say, "Thank you for your service"?
Brian:
Depends on which category.
Douglas:
Right. So I guess what you're saying is it depends how you say it.
Brian:
Yeah. It depends on how you come across. If you come across guilty this is what I would say... Maybe guilty is the wrong word because I don't think everybody has to be in the military. There are some people who don't need to be in the military.
But there's some that are just full of excuses that need to shut up and do it just because I feel every able-bodied American that's able to should. I think it's the right thing to do in whatever capacity that they... There should be better testing because they go by GT score, by what job you should get. But there's got to be a better way to figure out where you can serve better.
Douglas:
Yeah. I don't know if this would fly, but I heard a Colonel, I forgot his name. I have it in my notes, but I believe he was a Colonel, a retired Colonel or it was really high up and I was invited to a talk and he was speaking, him and some other people, a guy named C.J. Chivers. And he said that he believed that America needed to expand the military to incorporate more of its talent.
Douglas:
And he was basically under the assumptions as if you had like 5% of America serving, and if you had a draft you would have a military better than you can even imagine because you would have people who are going and becoming doctors will be going into the military lawyers, bankers, you would have very bright minds joining the military. And he says that would make the military more powerful and actually will stabilize more. Because I guess as his belief was more peace through strength and he said we'll create unity.
Douglas:
He even went on to say that now what you have is what you had in civil wars. In the Civil war, if you had money, you could pay someone to go fight for you. And this is in many ways what you have right now because you don't have a draft. Basically, people are opting out of service because they have.
Brian:
I would agree with him and I would disagree with him.
Douglas:
Why would you agree?
Brian:
And the first thing that pops into my head would be a span of control. So if you were to do that, it would have to be uniform across the board training, that kind of thing. Because I, as a human can only effectively control three to five people. So in like a normal military platoon, you have the platoon Sergeant and the platoon leader, an officer, and an NCO, the platoon leaders in charge of the platoon. He gives out all the orders, the platoon Sergeant he's the whip cracker. He makes sure all those orders are followed and soldiers have their beans and their bullets.
Underneath the platoon Sergeant and the PL are four squad leaders. Each one of those squad leaders has eight guys underneath them for a nine-man squad. That squad leader is in charge of the squad, but he has two sergeants which are team leaders. And those team leaders are in charge of two to three men. So it's the span of control rolls downhill. So if you were to expand this army, for instance, look at Canada. I like to use Canada. Canada doesn't have a very large army though, right?
Douglas:
I don't think so.
Brian:
But I'm willing to bet the medical knowledge of a Canadian infantryman trumps most of our infantryman.
Douglas:
Why is that?
Brian:
They have fewer people, so they have higher quality training, in my opinion, from what I've seen working with the Canadians. So if we were to expand our army bigger, I think your quality of expertise goes down. You say bringing in doctors, bankers, lawyers. We had that after 9/11. I was a drill Sergeant during 9/11. I had lawyers come in. Some were good. Most were not because they're entitled.
Douglas:
Yeah. Well, I think pulling from a pool before they become lawyers. But have the men-
Brian:
Got you. I understand.
Douglas:
Pulling from the pool, start pulling from a much larger pool, talented pool before. You don't want a lawyer once he becomes a lawyer. You want the brainpower of the guy who's going to become a lawyer join the military, right?
Brian:
I misunderstood you. Okay.
Douglas:
Yeah.
Brian:
Yeah, no, I agree with that.
Douglas:
But-
Brian:
You have to have the knowledge to-
Douglas:
I think we could provide knowledge. We've got a buggy on the moon taking selfies right now. Not on the moon, I'm sorry. On Mars. So, I think we can figure it out, but the draft is such a political word because of Vietnam. The moment you bring up the draft, people are going to go into a frenzy about whatever their opinions are about combat or war more monitoring such a political word. I don't know how you would ever get it passed through Congress or the Senate, but probably wouldn't. How do we help guys dealing with PTS? What can we do more?
Brian:
That's a double-edged sword, I guess. I hear all the time from people that, "Oh, my grandpa served, but he doesn't talk about it".
Douglas:
I've met those guys.
Brian:
You got to get them out. Me, I think I self-identified early. I talk about it as much as I can. Why? I didn't like walking in the military with a 120-pound rucksack on my back. So I don't need all those memories and all those thoughts resting on my back. It was heavy. It hurt. I talk about it and I feel like I can set it aside.
Douglas:
Do you think doing the documentary and before the documentary, I saw that what led into the documentary that you shared with me, what was it called?
Brian:
A Year at War?
Douglas:
A Year at War. I saw all of that. And do you think, because you were being exposed to talk that that preempted you to be more open and be able to share your story? Or do you think that you were already going to share your story? Because I talked to a lot of vets and I've talked to a lot of vets. I showed you one message with one guy and-
Brian:
Yeah. Honestly, I think it was Joey that changed me.
Douglas:
Okay. That would have changed. Yeah. That would have definitely changed. But why Joey though? I would imagine that would have taken you even further down the other direction.
Brian:
Yes. And I have my wife to thank for that.
Douglas:
Because this will be a podcast just for our listeners who don't know, why don't you just, if you're okay with it, share what happened to your son, Joey.
Brian:
Okay. In 2010, I got shot three times trying to save an Afghan policeman. My medics saved both of us. 2014 I got my leg amputated because I couldn't take anymore. I could only walk 15-20 minutes a day and I wanted more freedom. So I did an elective amputation. 2015 I married my now current wife, Maria. In 2015, my 12-year-old son, Joey, it's our son. But my biological son asked if he could run to the neighbor's house to get his iPad that he left. And he was riding his bike, crossing the road and a 74-year-old man hit him at 50 miles an hour, eight hours later, we took him off life support. He was brain dead.
And that was probably the darkest time of my life. My leg was not an issue anymore. It was a moot point for a number of years, but it changed me a lot. I felt like I needed to defend my son's honor. I bought a lot of guns. I bought a lot of ammo. I learned how to use Google earth very well. And I was going to do something that would not bring Joey back and would not make anything better. And luckily I saw that before it was too late. I did meet the guy that hit my son a year later at a DMV hearing. And I walked up to him and I said in front of my lawyer, and I said, "Just tell me, you screwed up and I'll forgive you right now". And he looked me dead in the eyes and he said, "I didn't do anything wrong". So I told him, I hope he lives forever in nightmares.
Douglas:
I’m so sorry.
Brian:
Yes, he did. He said he's sorry my son was killed, but he didn't do anything wrong in the police report. And it's not going to change anything. I stopped playing the blame game. But in the police report, it has the driver at 0% at fault. And Joey at a 100% at fault. My opinion on that a 12-year-old's, only responsibility is what he's going to eat next.
Douglas:
I would agree with it.
Brian:
Did Joey pick the wrong place to cross the road? Yes. Did he deserve to die? No. The guy's brake lines blue. He was at the bottom of a hill. You can see it on the documentary. There are no skid marks. He never hit the guardrail. And a lot of people don't know the inside of the story. So I will tell you because it's not in the documentary.
Brian:
He hit Joey on the oncoming side, as Joey was crossing the road, going to the oncoming side. So he traversed with Joey across the road. He hit him, launched him about 10 to 12 feet forward, hit him again. That's when Joey and the bike got caught underneath the truck. He dragged him 125 feet up the hill. Joey came off, his shoes were a hundred feet apart. He continued to drive a quarter of a mile up the hill and down the road claiming he needed to get self-service to call 911, pulled into our neighbor's driveway. When he backed up the bike came off. He never once went down by Joey to check on him if he was okay. Thankfully there was a lady there that saw him lying in the road and stopped traffic. But the guy parked at the top of the hill and never once came down by Joey to check on him.
Douglas:
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Brian:
There's a lot of anger and hate and all that.
Douglas:
And you feel like that allowed you to open up easier?
Brian:
It allowed me to open up because of my wife and this is why I said I have my wife to thank. My wife and I went and talked to the mediums, all this crazy, just don't piss her off. She's Puerto Rican.
Douglas:
Only husbands can do that.
Brian:
She gets out the onion chopper, I run. She can tell you that story. But we sat down one day and we just said, "Look", we had somebody send us pictures of the accident site. And we just said, "You know what, that's not what we want to see. We don't want to see tragedy. We want to see... We are going to only focus on positive, shutting out anything negative. And we are going to focus on how Joey lives and not how he died". So I think at that point I started to... I was very, the book says, straight line, there is no left or right. You're doing it. If I say do it, this is why you're doing it, period.
Douglas:
Oh, sorry, man. I mean, you've been in the military 20 years, that's going to have conditioned you.
Brian:
And then a year and a half after he was killed, the unthinkable happened. We were blessed with Jaxon. So Jaxon is now three. He'll be four in February. But I think we call him our blessing child because Jaxon brought me and Maria out of a very dark hole. I had purpose again. He puts a smile on my face and I'm like, "What the hell am I doing here with a kid at 42 years old"? But I wouldn't trade it for the world. And the reason I say that, I'm so much relaxed now. Isaac's out of the military now. And he's in the other room. He's living with us for a while until he figures out what he's going to do, but he looks at me every day, like, "Wow, if I would've done that when I was his age" because Joey tells me, "If you're going to be angry with me, I'm going to be angry with you". And to me, I sit back, "Well, he's got a point. Maybe I shouldn't him yell so much". Yeah. So I think-
Douglas:
God bless you, man. God bless him. I'm glad you have Jaxon. That's a great name. By the way. We almost named my, I almost named my son, Jaxon.
Brian:
We did it after Sons of Anarchy. It's J-A-X-O-N.
Douglas:
Oh okay.
Brian:
No reason. We just liked it.
Douglas:
The guys who can't speak openly, like you can, what should we do?
I think the number one thing, the reason why I think the play has become so powerful and successful is because it does give vets a voice who normally couldn't speak. It's cathartic. The one word that has been shared with me by so many guys of the military combat vets, families, gold star blue stars, it says, this is a very cathartic play. It's a very raw play, but it's a very cathartic play. And it gives us a voice and allows us to talk. And I've always said, talking is the number one thing, but how do you get someone to talk?
Okay, I get them into play, you can maybe talk. You see the play, you talk either in the Q&A afterward, or you talk on the way back home. You're talking to someone, you talk to your wife. How do you get someone who's not at the play to talk?
Brian:
So there's a ton of organizations out there. I'm wearing the hat of one right now.
Douglas:
Why don't you say it out loud?
Brian:
It's Wounded Warriors in Action, not to be confused with Wounded Warrior Project.
Lieutenant Colonel John McDaniel, who's from Oshkosh, Wisconsin started this and it's actually based in Apollo Beach, Florida down by Miami. And he was in Ranger Battalion. He started this, he caters to purple heart recipients. So in order to use their services he refined it to a smaller group. And I like it. And that's what works for me.
Brian:
There are a hundred organizations out there, but what I like about it is everybody that goes to those events was wounded in combat. So we have a certain likeness that brings us together. It's not a testosterone big contest.
Douglas:
Right.
Brian:
It's a bunch of guys getting together and it's outdoors getting them outdoors, fishing, hunting, and it's world-class stuff.
I got a hundred stories I can tell you, but through Wounded Warriors in Action, I caught my biggest personal best record of a largemouth bass ever. I went fishing in Rodman Reservoir, Florida, and I caught a 10-pound two-ounce, large bass. That's a dream for anybody.
Douglas:
I've got a friend from Texas named Craig. And he would dig that he's a big fisherman and he would completely dig that.
Brian:
But I also got to meet Edwin Evers, who's a Bassmaster Classic champion, majorly fishing champion, Red Cross champion. He is like the Aaron Rogers of the bass fishing world. And he's just my idol. And we are now pretty good friends. I can text him any time of the day and he'll text me back. I've been fishing with them three or four times. Now I'm starting to lose count. But if I called him up and said, "Edwin, I need this", he'd get it for me. But I don't.
Brian:
Sometimes stuff just shows up on my door. But because I went to that Wounded Warriors in Action, I'm starting to talk to guys and I think it comes down to purpose, identity, but you got to get them doing something they love. Some people don't know what that is. Some people already know, but they were afraid, like motorcycles or fixing cars or fishing or hunting. I think you got to force-feed some of these guys to get them into a comfort zone that they like to do. And then they blossom like a flower.
Douglas:
I'm going to send you what you just said in the transcript, because I think that is the basis of your speech man.
But you just said purpose, identity, and doing something that they love. I think you share that from your experiences as a father, as a man, and as a combat vet will be very well received by other people. I think you should definitely write that down and I'll send it to you.
Brian:
I'm writing.
Douglas:
... purpose, value, and doing something you love. I think a lot of veterans could hear that. And I think the older guys who didn't hear that when they came back from Vietnam or Korea. The one thing that I have going on that... One thing that I learned to tell the Vietnam vets is a Vietnam veteran talking to us he says, "Welcome home". And he taught me that years ago. He says, "If you tell a Vietnam vet welcome home, it means a lot to them because they didn't get that when they came back".
Brian:
Yeah.
Douglas:
And I always say, I said it last night. I always have everybody stand up. There's a veteran. And I say, you know, any military families, any vets or military in the house, please stand up so we can, we can appreciate you. And we do that. And then I always tell the Vietnam vets, "Welcome home guys, welcome home".
Brian:
I always tell the Vietnam vet,
…thank you for what they sacrifice because now I have what I call the gold card. I can walk in the VA and say, "I want this". And I get it. Because they didn't.
Douglas:
They didn't get it. No, absolutely. I'm going to remember that. That alone purpose, value, and doing something you love. Doing something that you love is so important because it's therapeutic cathartic. It really allows you to be...
It's hard to get up in the morning when you're doing something you can't stand. And when you're getting up in the morning, when you're motivated... When you get up in the morning and you're excited about something, it's much easier to keep working at it. It's like acting. I always tell people, "Don't get into acting because you think you're going to be famous because you're going to run out of energy". And Steve Jobs said it best, you have to be insane to do it. You have to be insane to do something you really love. Cause it's really freaking hard. And most normal people quit. They're like, "This is stupid. I'm not doing this".
Brian:
You got to do something you love. So, I appeased my wife. We went on an Alaskan cruise and she's like, "Oh, we got to go zip lining". And I'm looking at her like she's got three heads because my title is Airborne Ranger Qualified.
Douglas:
Is that what you were?
Brian:
Yeah, I was Ranger Qualified. I graduated from Ranger School in 1999.
Douglas:
Congrats, man. I do a piece in my play about being a Ranger. And I say, "If anybody knows anything about the Ranger Tab, it's a pretty colored Tab to have".
Brian:
Well, there's some argument there. So the young testosterone-laden Rangers from Ranger Battalion. So you could have a PSC in Ranger Battalion that thinks he's more of a Ranger than me with my Ranger tab. Even though he doesn't have his Ranger Tab yet because he hasn't gone to school because there's Ranger Qualified. And then there's Ranger, that's in Ranger Battalion. I have respect for both. So now when somebody says, "Oh, you're a Ranger", I make it very clear. I was never in Ranger Battalion. I graduated from Ranger School. I have a Ranger Tab. So, I'm not claiming anything.
Douglas:
We're arguing between who's better, Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers. I think what you've done is pretty remarkable being a Ranger and everything. Everything.
Brian:
Aaron Rodgers is clearly better because he's still playing at that caliber.
Douglas:
Yeah. I think so. He's got a sweet arm, man. He can-
Brian:
I'm jealous of Brady though. He's accomplished some things. I don't like him out of pure jealousy, just cause I don't like the guy.
Douglas:
That's really interesting because you're watching him turning around at an organization in Tampa and they are going to be-
Brian:
They don't look like they were tuned in well yesterday.
Douglas:
Yeah. I didn't watch it. I was performing yesterday. Did they lose yesterday?
Brian:
Second. I can't check them on my phone. They played the New Orleans Saints.
Douglas:
I didn't know. I was on stage all day yesterday, so I don't know what that-
Brian:
Oh, I can't check right now because I'll lose the zoom conference.
Douglas:
It's okay. That's really important.
READ PART THREE OF THE INTERVIEW
Father, Soldier, Son - Netflix Documentary